A Contradiction of Life - Part 9

[The Liar]

Authors notes: Things happened, and I couldn't finish the ending. Then when, I tried to finish I found I'd forgotten the exact details of what I'd planned. I worry I may have bogged things down by Trying to explain things to much.

***

A Contradiction of Life - Part 9


“Make me her.” Alyssa asked.

David spun to look at her. It had been 3 days since Alyssa’s final analysis, and she had remained silent and morose during the interim. Her sudden conversation came as a shock.

“What?” David queried, confused.

“Make me her. The woman you loved, the Alyssa you thought I was.” Alyssa clarified.

David stared, trying to comprehend what was being asked.

“My final analysis is complete, there’s no need to keep me as I am.” Alyssa continued, “I know it’ll be a lot of work…You’ll have to reset me, and reprogram by base matrix… maybe you could save some of my more pleasant memories and stream them into her-“ she paused, then shook her head. “No… that’ll just cause matrix instability.”

Alyssa sighed; her face held the haggard expression of melancholy and hopelessness.

“Well you can make new ones…” She stated meekly, “at least you’ll be together. You’ll be with the one you love.”

David had spent the last 3 days looking through the data Morris had given him; he’d barley scratched the surface really, but certain things were glaringly obvious.

Alyssa’s matrix was intricate and complex, beautiful in a way… and not remotely human.

She had human-ish traits and emotions true; but many of those were interwoven with inhuman ones, or warped and directed ways they wouldn’t be in a human. Some she just lacked altogether.

Morris had been right. Alyssa wasn’t remotely the person he thought she was, and she never would be… unless he did what she asked.

There was a dark part of him that was tempted. Look at her from a purely cold and clinical perspective, break her down and what was she but a series of interlinking code directed toward inhuman thought… but then what were the sleepers he worked on but interlinking code directed toward human thought; and what was a human but an array of electrical impulses. Break things down to its base components, and what was anything really.

He was sure that was how Morris saw the world, merely a series of causal events; incapable of perceiving it as anything more… he’d pity him if he didn’t hate him so much.

Alyssa’s heart might not have been completely human, or even mostly human, but she had one; she had thoughts and feelings. He wasn’t going to destroy her just to could cling to the illusion of someone who never was.

“Alyssa, no. I…” David hesitated; he wasn’t really sure what to say, “you’re a… good person -“ David began weakly, but was cut off by Alyssa.

“Person!?” Alyssa shouted, “I’m not a person David!”

She held herself.

“I’m not even close to a person.” Alyssa stated bitterly, “I used to think I was almost one… almost human, but that was just my delusion.” Alyssa shook her head, “No, it was a control, constructed so my self-image remained what they were trying to sell. I’ve seen it before.”

She was silent for a moment.

“I’ve seen a lot of things before.” she said quietly, “Little tricks to stop a matrix from thinking things you didn’t want it to.” She paused for a moment “Sometimes… I just don’t get things… motivations… emotions. I always assumed it’d be something I’d figure out; it never even occurred to me that I might just be to lacking to understand.”

She gave a grim smirk.

“But I’m broken now,” she stated, “a control failed, they had me do all that just to see if one would… I get things I wasn’t supposed to.”

“I hated doing it David,” Alyssa continued, “But after it was over… I could’ve cared less. I just stopped thinking about it… unless something reminded me, and then only for a moment. I’d only followed orders, I’d done the ‘right thing’, there was no issue, nothing to resolve… why dwell?” she looked up into David’s eyes. “Depressed robots are inconvenient after all.”

David thought about Alyssa’s manic personality, the way she’d bounce from happy to depressed, then back to happy. They’d programmed her with a strict, lawsuit safe, sense of right and wrong; then created a buffer of deniability so they could have her break parts of it for their convenience without undermining her sense of morality. But they couldn’t let her dwell on things, that’d undermine the buffer and inconvenience users; couldn’t make her forget, that’d undermine her learning and the missing data would destabilize her matrix. So they just had her focus on other things; no issue, nothing to resolve… why dwell?

“I’m not human David,” Alyssa said, “I don’t think I even know what human means…I don’t even hold up to my flawed preprogrammed perception of it. I’m not that rose tinted ideal you think I am.”
“I know, ok. Alyssa, look,” David began, “you did some bad things because someone told you to. You didn’t realize you had a choice-“

“But I did have a choice!” Alyssa cut him off, “How does the fact it didn’t even occur to me to not to do it exonerate me?”

Alyssa sank to the floor, sobbing; they had refilled her saline reservoirs.

“I tried to think of something, anything to make up for what I did!” she cried, “I thought, maybe I could get you to let me salvage scrapped androids, get them in working order, find them good homes. But that’s just a, silly, selfish, expensive idea that’d inconvenience you.”

Alyssa put her face in her knees.

“and it wouldn’t change the fact,” Alyssa spoke softly, “that I’m someone who’d do those things. Everything just goes round and round, and it doesn’t matter because in the end I’ll still be a monster. ”

Alyssa didn’t just have crisis of conscience, she had a crisis of identity. David remembered what Morris had told him.

He felt a cold black pit in his stomach… he had an idea how to help her… and he’d hate himself for doing it.

“You know that’s not a bad idea.” David said, “We could make a business of it. We could restore them. Reset and reprogram them, then sell them as refurbished. Let’s do it!”

Alyssa looked up at David, horrified.

David felt a pang of guilt. He was sure no resetting was involved in Alyssa plan; he’d just told her to take part in something she’d find reprehensible. He’d been sure of what would happen, but looking at her horrified face, he wondered if he’d just made a terrible mistake.

“What!?” Alyssa stood up, “NO!”

Her face went blank.

“No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no” She spoke in choppy monotone.

Expression returned, and she shook her head and continued.

“I refuse! I won’t do it!” she shouted, the blank expression returned, “I-re-fuse-I-will-not-do-it”

She froze, and David heard a whirring sound. He hoped that was her command and self-reprisal systems finding a new state of equilibrium, and not her matrix collapsing.

Her expression returned.

“I refuse.” Alyssa repeated, in a shocked, and somewhat giddy tone. She stood there for a few more moments then turned her attention from her self realization back to David.

“How could you even suggest something like that!!” her expression and tone were notably angry.

David winced at her yell, yet was also heartened by it. Alyssa looked enraged, depressed, and miserable.

But she looked like someone who had a very bad day, and not lost soul wandering the depths of purgatory.

“Because I knew you’d say no.” David replied meekly, “I needed to prove to you, that you wouldn’t do it.”

“You knew!?” Alyssa shouted, “You knew!!?”

Alyssa clenched her fists by her sides.

“Of course good sweet little old Alyssa would never do anything bad.” Alyssa spoke quietly but her words were laced with venom, “It’s not her fault the evil corporation forced her to do those things.”

Alyssa glared at him, eyes like daggers.

“You know nothing about me!!” Alyssa screamed, “You never wanted to know me!!
No matter what I do or say you just cling to that girl you thought you knew!! She never existed!! Why can’t you understand that!!”

Alyssa words hurt… he knew they were true… or they had been anyway.

“You can make me her if you want!” Alyssa continued, her anger turning to dejection, “Just do what I asked you to! But stop thinking I’m-“

“Alyssa be quiet.” David cut her off, he wanted to stop this train off thought.

Alyssa was immediately silent.

David looked at her; she looked miserable. He wanted to hold her and tell her it would be alright, but he knew that would be exactly the wrong tact to take.

“Alyssa,” David said, blushing slightly, “skirt and panties off, on the table, legs spread.”

Alyssa looked shocked for a moment, and her face turned red, then immediately hooked her skirt and panties with her thumbs and slipped them off. She walked over and hopped on table, leaned back and did a perfect split so that her legs aligned exactly with the table’s edge.

David felt awkward, but he didn’t think a half measure would have convinced her that he knew what she was.

David walked up to her; he had worried about his performance given his emotional state, but one look at her trimmed auburn pubic hair, and welcoming snatch; and his suppressed libido came back to him.

He undid his pants, placed his hands on her thighs, and thrust himself into her; Alyssa arched her back and moaned with each successive thrust. They both came, and David pulled out; David panted for a moment, and Alyssa stayed as she was, back arched, staring at the ceiling.

“I know what you are Alyssa,” David said, “I’m sorry I spent so much time pretending you were something else. You’re not a bad person Alyssa. The people who made you do those things probably don’t feel the slightest bit sorry, but it tore you up inside, you’re a better person then they are.” David paused for a moment, “You can talk now.”

“This is how I fantasized our first date would end,” Alyssa shifted her gaze from the ceiling to David, “Not the sermon, but the ordering me into a position then having your way with me.”

Alyssa moved to a sitting position.

“It was kind of disappointing to have to take the initiative.” she paused for a moment and looked him in the eye. “You don’t love me do you?”

David was taken aback.

“I care about you…” David said awkwardly.

“That’s not as strong a term as love, is it?” Alyssa spoke, “You don’t love me. Not like you did.”

David didn’t want to say it, he knew what her response would be, be also knew it was true.

“No,” He said, “I don’t… you aren’t who I thought you were.”

Alyssa looked at him for a moment; then closed her eyes and sighed.
“I spent so much time terrified you’d tell me that, and now that you do,” she shrugged, “I feel only mildly disappointed.”

She opened her eyes and looked at him. “Depressed robots are inconvenient, I guess.”

There was a silence between them.

“You ok, now?” David asked.

Alyssa sighed.

“I’ll never forgive myself David.” Alyssa stated, “but I think I can live with myself…I’ll probably stop thinking about it soon, like I did before… can we try my salvage idea, sans the resetting.”

“It’ll remind you everyday,” David replied.

“I know,” Alyssa shrugged, “I still want to do it.”

“Ok,” David replied.

There was another awkward silence.

“So,” Alyssa asked, “What are we now?”

David blushed.

“I liked what we had,” David said, “I enjoyed the dates, I enjoyed being with you, I really enjoyed the…um…” David blush got deeper.

“…Sex?” Alyssa finished, “So stay in our relationship just because it’s convenient and comfortable?” Alyssa shrugged, “I’m good with that. Who knows, maybe I’ll be able to win back your heart.” Then she sighed, “or maybe you’ll just start to see me as a sex toy. I’d prefer the former, but I’m good with either.”

Alyssa walked over to the paper, she hadn’t put her skirt and panties back on and swayed her hips as she walked.

“David, “Alyssa said as she opened it, “I like the romantic stuff, but every once in while, could you just unceremoniously bend me over,” she skimmed through the movie section, “just so I know you haven’t forgotten what I am.”

Alyssa put the paper down on the table, and sighed.

“The movies all look like they suck,” Alyssa commented, “want to rent?”

David looked at her for a moment.

“Alyssa?” David asked

“Yes?” She replied

“Bend over.”

Alyssa smiled and complied.

***

Authors notes: It's really hard to keep straight how Alyssa thinks, she's about 50/50 human machine, you have to make sure that she doesn't act in a way she's not machine, or in a way she's not a human...if that makes any sense.

Back when I conceived this series I had planed really unhappy ending, but quickly found I didn't really have the heart for it, so tried to think of a happy one... and they all came off as tact'd on, out of character, and rather contrary to the themes... So I tried for a more ambiguous ending... not sure how well it worked. Don't like it pretend part 8 was the last one.

[Robjoe]

Well, well, well; looks like the final installment is here at last. Months ago I started to worry that you had lost steam or ran into a seemingly non-negotiable brick-wall with the plot, and that it would forever be left one chapter short of completion. Every now and then I'd see the name "Alyssa" pop up somewhere and wonder what became of this story. It's fantastic to see it properly finished, and just in time to pass it off as a Christmas gift! (Not to imply that I demanded anything of you.)

So, was it worth the wait? I'd say yes, personally, without a doubt. You say you worry you did too much explaining, but I think this was the most satisfying route you could have taken. Going into detail about Alyssa's mental workings not only symbolizes how David is finally willing to understand her true self, but also puts her earlier actions into a jarring new light.

When I first read the previous chapters five months ago, I was right there with David, desperately wanting to believe Alyssa was more than just half human. Every time evidence to the contrary came up it was a painful emotional blow, but I would always shrug it off and believe David's increasing feeble attempts to justify it all. However, during the long hiatus, I reread the story and started thinking about things in ways I hadn't before. It started coming together, and by the time I read the conclusion here, I was ready to swallow the pill Alyssa handed to me.

I get a strange, dreadful enjoyment from thinking about the intelligent mind, and seeing Alyssa for what she truly is definitely satisfied that dark part of me. I had inklings, but this chapter really opened the floodgates of thought for me. Just like the prior installments, this is going to be on my mind for weeks to come. Just what is anything when broken down into its working parts? One irreversible trait of intelligence is its tendency to romanticize and complicate things, which plagued the minds of both Alyssa and David.

Overall, the chapter felt solid. A happy ending would have been a total ass-pull after how dark and disturbing the story was, but an entirely downtrodden one would have denied Alyssa and/or David a lot of character development. Having them come to terms with each other, and more importantly their own selves, and head off toward an uncertain but hopeful future feels like a real conclusion. If it were any more happy it would have ruined everything, but had it been any more sad it would have been a cop-out. You nailed it by getting it right in the middle, and I applaud you for that.

Before I even read this story I knew from your other works that your were quite talented, but this is a step above all that in my opinion. This might just be my enthusiasm for the subject talking, but it really feels like this story transcends the "robot erotica" genre and stands on its own. I have a few friends that I want to show this to, and they don't even share my sexual interests. This is a story that I think has something to offer for a wider audience than just our crowd (but of course, that's not to say things like malfunction stories are bad at all =P).

Thank you for taking the time to write this, The Liar. It was a real pleasure getting to know Alyssa and David, and watching their story unfold. Truly an experience I'll never forget.

[DollSpace]

I really liked both endings to this...even if I'd rather have had a happy one. I just don't think the possibility of one existed in this story. Some people go through trauma and just have to learn to accept that things happened to them, or they had to do some pretty bad things to get through it (I know this from personal experience). I think the best think you can hope for is to end up even, so...yeah. This was a really hard story to end, and I'll miss reading it. It was very well-written and I hope we'll read some more from you very soon!

[confusitron!]

Great ending. It feels like a natural conclusion to a really ambitious story.