TALES o/t UNTOLD TALES o/t A-MEN--CHICKEN POOP FOR THE SOUL

minkwheel · Post by **minkwheel** » Sat Mar 06, 2010 3:00 pm

WE'RE ALL BACK IN A-MEN CLOUDBASE--massively massive FORTRESS above the clouds. The A-Men are in the DEBRIEFING ROOM DEBRIEFING --sounds kinda sexy, but it's not.... there's just another meeting going on. Majorly Majors MAJOR STEVE AUSTIN is showing films and is about to unveil a big surprise onto our heroes..... let's WATCH... or at least READ, shall we? --yes.... we shall.

MAJORLY MAJORS MAJOR STEVE AUSTIN>>> EVERYONE'S EYES SHOULD BE FOCUSED SOLEY ON THE FILMS I AM ABOUT TO SHOW... WATCH ME IN ACTION, AND LEARN FROM WHAT YOU WITNESS.... Super Computer CEREBELLUM.....ROLL THAT BEAUTIFUL BEAN FOOTAGE! --

SUPER COMPUTER CEREBELLUM>>>> Errk! (...and she begins to show a scene that we are pretty much familiar with........ VINTAGE FEMBOT FOOTAGE FROM 1976--- YES! -- FRANKLIN FEMBOT FIGHT FOOTAGE!!!

MAJOR AUSTIN, IN ALL HIS GLOATERY GLORY>>>> OKAY... YOU ROBOTS NEED TO WATCH THIS NOW..... SEE.... HERE I AM RESCUING CALLAHAN FROM HER PRISON.....THERE GO THE BARS... PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE STOCK SOUND EFFECTS....must be a defect in the film ...there... I'm lifting her out of the window............and we CUT TO A FIGHT!!! ---SHE TURNED OUT TO BE AN EVIL FEMBOT!!!! LOOK! LOOKIT!!!--- HER FACE FELL OFF!!! EVIL ROBOT RIGHT THERE!!!

CHARITY CASE>>>I HAVE A QUESTION!!---UMMM....WOULDN'T YOU HAVE BEEN TIPPED OFF TO HER ROBOTIC NATURE ALREADY SINCE YOU LIFTED HER OUT OF THE WINDOW? -- ROBOTS BACK THEN WERE HEAVY MOFOs!

STEVE AUSTIN>>>>>>>Uhhhhh...NAH...I WAS TOO BUSY STARING AT HER BIG BOODS TO NOTICE AT THE TIME...........NO MATTER..... SEE! ---EEEEVIL FEMBOT!!!---THERE SHE WAS... TRYING TO KILL ME! -- AND A REDHEAD WAS THERE TOO.... WATCH THIS FOOTAGE, AND LEARN ..... SEE.... THEY WERE ABOUT TO ATTACK ME.... AND I THROW A METAL ROD TO DISRUPT THEIR PLANS...... WATCH ME! --WATCH ME NOW!!!

FOOTAGE OF STEVE THROWING A METAL BEAM TO SHORT OUT FRANKLIN'S COM........ here go the stock effects (sfx WEEEEEEEEEEoooooo (cut/edit to beginning of stock sound effect again) WEEEEEoooooooo! SNAP CRACKLE POP! fizzlesizzle fo'shizzle!

STEPHANIEBOT>>>OH!--THOSE POOR GIRLS!!!

MAJOR AUSTIN>>>>>SEE! --NOW LOOK AT 'EM DANCE!!! --- I'M TOO GOOD, BABY! --I BEAT THEIR HEAVY PLASTIC ASSES!

CIEPHER 5985>>>>>>>>SIR.....may I ask WHAT IS THE POINT of this training session? -- WE ROBOTS HAVE EVOLVED 100 FOLD SINCE THEN!

MAJOR AUSTIN>>>>> yah...you're GOOD, soldier, but you'll NEVER be HUMAN...... THIS IS WHY I BROUGHT YOU ALL HERE TODAY..... you are the BEST OF THE BEST that TECHNOLOGY CAH CREATE.......

GREENLEE>>>>>OooooooooTHANK YOU SIR!

STEVE AUSTIN>>>>>SHUT IT, AND LISTEN, CADET.......YOU ALL ARE THE BEST OF THE BEST THAT TECHNOLOGY CAN CREATE.......BUT YOU WILL NEVER BE HUMAN......

STEPHANIEBOT>>>HELLO! ?? --WHAT AM I THEN? --THERE ARE A FEW OF US ON THE TEAM THAT ARE HYBRIDS.... BEST OF BOTH WORLDS, US ...

MAJOR AUSTIN>>>>ONCE AGAIN..... SHUT IT, AND LET ME FINISH! I SHOWED THAT FILM THERE TO SHOW that even cutting edge technology can have a flaw or two....THOSE ROBOTS couldn't decide to react differently in a given situation.... they basically were heavy sitting ducks waiting for ME to outthink them..........I'm HUMAN!!! --- this is why I have asked the legendary Dr. RUDY WELLS to aid me in creating the next WAVE of A-MEN recruits................cutting edge robotic technology fused with the minds and souls of exceptional HUMANS............WELL...... RECENTLY DEAD humans.............dedicated POLICE OFFICERS.....DEDICATED MARINE SOLDIRES.......DEDICATED TO SERVE OUR CAUSE NOW.......

CHARITY CASE>>>>>DR. RUDY WELLS?!!? --- ISN'T HE LIKE 150 YEARS OLD BY NOW?

DR. WELLS>>>OH...YOU ARE A LOVELY LITTLE LADY.... HERE IS A LOLLYPOP FOR YOU, YOUNG GIRL!

CHARITY CASE>>>>OH...WELL...FUCK YOU VERY MUCH, DOCTOR.... Jeebus!

DR. WELLS>>>>SUCH A POLITE SOLDIER!---YOU ARE SO WELCOME!

STEVE AUSTIN>>>>RUDY....THE NEW RECRUITS.......?

DR. WELLS>>>>>YES! -- WE HAVE NOTICED THAT ORIN JUJU LIOS has stepped up his armies... and although we have hundreds of special heroes in our fold.... we can not let him have any upper hand....... I have taken it as a personal challenge to merge the most honorable ....umm... DEAD human minds with the most up to date cybernetics.... fusing the officer's very being with the super machinery...... genius, and original.

YUGO GIRL>>>>OHE BOUYYYY!--ROBOCOP!

RO-BEAU>>>>GHOST IN THE SHELL, anyone?

DR. WELLS>>>>>>>I AM PROUD TO SAY THEY ARE ALL ONLINE, AND READY.......THEY JUST LACK FIELD TESTING..... that's where YOU all come in.......YOU WILL BE TRAINING WITH OUR NEW RECRUITS..... our ANDROIDS with SOULS........... BEST OF BOTH WORLDS......

CHARITY CASE>>>>>Oh, GREAT! -----I'M SURROUNDED BY "A-SOULS!!!"

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YES FOLKS..... you'll someday get to see our heroes train the noobs. I'm hopping off to China next week for a little vacation, and maybe I'll find some new characters out there to bring back with me in Coach. --'til next.

minkwheel · Post by **minkwheel** » Sat Mar 06, 2010 3:28 pm

Oh...there are a FEW gaffes that I will be mentioning in future stories, one is the camera angle when Carl watches Rudy and Oscar talk while they are over charred Tammy on the table.... when did he have time to install a camera for the two shot across from Tammy? -- the shot should be coming from Tammy's point of view really, if she would somehow still be working. I also want to exploit the fact that Billie was built and didn't really do much but get knocked down easily....

minkwheel · Post by **minkwheel** » Sun Mar 07, 2010 5:18 am

A NOTE FROM FEMBOT BILLIE--DISGRUNTLED FEMBOT ON THE LAMB.

Dear FEMBOT CENTRAL......HOW DARE you say that I was not helpful at all in the battle for the ENERGY RAY WEAPON!!! I did A LOT for our CAUSE... I GOT TO WEAR A JUMPSUIT....AND A BLACK DRESS! ---I GOT TO STAND BY A DOOR AND WATCH GINA AND CALLAHAN MESS UP BIG ROD'S BUBBLEBOY OFFICE......I STILL HAVE MY LOVELY VOICE WHILE GINA AND ELLEN ARE STUCK WITH GUY'S VOICES STILL..... HA HA MoFo's....!!! My job was to sell cigarettes and beer to minors in the casino...and I was doing THAT job PERFECTLY! -- sure...I was the last to arrive at any skirmish.... had to ditch the cigarettes and CHANGE TO THE RED JUMPSUIT for the chase, now... DIDN'T I? --- this doesn't prove that I am slow....this proves that I........ I ...I have a SELF PRESERVATION MODE....yeah.......YEAH!!!--SELF PRESERVATION MODE, YOU BASTARDS!!! --- I'M STILL FUNCTIONING and you jerks can't even FIND me at the METROPOLIS CASINO where I've been working under your noses for YEARS...AND YOU'LL NEVER FIND ME BECAUSE I'M WORKING WHILE YOU SUPPOSEDLY SUPER robots are RECHARGING! -- You'll NEVER FIND ME WORKING AT THE BARCODE bar because it's on the LOWER LEVEL OF THE CASINO IN A REAAAAALLY DARK CORNER......YOU ARE ALL SO STUPID! ---I AM NOT SLOW!--I AM A SURVIVOR! --Billie

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No folks...........she IS slow......Dumber than a box of hair.

DukeNukem 2417 · Post by **DukeNukem 2417** » Tue Mar 09, 2010 6:59 am

This is too good!

Baron · Post by **Baron** » Tue Mar 09, 2010 8:34 pm

minkwheel wrote:A NOTE FROM FEMBOT BILLIE--DISGRUNTLED FEMBOT ON THE LAMB.

Dear FEMBOT CENTRAL......HOW DARE you say that I was not helpful at all in the battle for the ENERGY RAY WEAPON!!! I did A LOT for our CAUSE... I GOT TO WEAR A JUMPSUIT....AND A BLACK DRESS! ---I GOT TO STAND BY A DOOR AND WATCH GINA AND CALLAHAN MESS UP BIG ROD'S BUBBLEBOY OFFICE......I STILL HAVE MY LOVELY VOICE WHILE GINA AND ELLEN ARE STUCK WITH GUY'S VOICES STILL..... HA HA MoFo's....!!! My job was to sell cigarettes and beer to minors in the casino...and I was doing THAT job PERFECTLY! -- sure...I was the last to arrive at any skirmish.... had to ditch the cigarettes and CHANGE TO THE RED JUMPSUIT for the chase, now... DIDN'T I? --- this doesn't prove that I am slow....this proves that I........ I ...I have a SELF PRESERVATION MODE....yeah.......YEAH!!!--SELF PRESERVATION MODE, YOU BASTARDS!!! --- I'M STILL FUNCTIONING and you jerks can't even FIND me at the METROPOLIS CASINO where I've been working under your noses for YEARS...AND YOU'LL NEVER FIND ME BECAUSE I'M WORKING WHILE YOU SUPPOSEDLY SUPER robots are RECHARGING! -- You'll NEVER FIND ME WORKING AT THE BARCODE bar because it's on the LOWER LEVEL OF THE CASINO IN A REAAAAALLY DARK CORNER......YOU ARE ALL SO STUPID! ---I AM NOT SLOW!--I AM A SURVIVOR! --Billie

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No folks...........she IS slow......Dumber than a box of hair.

{Fade in on a familiar sight - a well-rumpled queensize bed, with a tangle of sheets and comforters strewn across it. A muffled giggle can be heard, followed by a squeal of alarm. Then a familiar touseled but still lovely head pops from underneath the pile for a second:

She looks around, blinks seductively, then lifts the sheet and purrs "Sugar, you want to take a crack at this?" A grumble is heard, then - you guessed it - Inspektor 12's head pops up next to Gina.}

Make that dumber than all of Crystal Gayle and Willie Nelson's hair combined, Mink old boy!! Everybody knows that my little cuddle-toy here {Gina giggles, obviously being tickled in a "special place" } was the one pushing the coffin-nails. Billie was dealing blackjack, but Gina told me she also was a born sucker for the old "Will you take a five, for two tens?" routine - Kyler's casino would have gone bankrupt, had she stayed there much longer!! Typical Carl Franklin - always building a better Rube Goldberg.

{Gina coos "Who says blondes have more fun, Sugar?" winks impishly, and she disappears back under the covers with the Inspektor............}

minkwheel · Post by **minkwheel** » Wed Mar 10, 2010 2:01 am

Well.....I DID mention that Billie was "dumber than a box of hair" ...she even got her JOB wrong in her ranting letter above..... in blackjack, one needs to know how to count to 21....... Fembots only know "ones and zreos" ---AND SO.... HERE IS THE LOVELY GREENLEE to finish my post with a fembot JOKE.....

GREENLEE>>>>>>okay....ready?---minkwheel told me this joke to tell the good Inspektor..........THERE ARE 10 KINDS OF PEOPLE IN THE WORLD .... ONE UNDERSTANDS BINARY and THE OTHER DOES NOT.................... Umm ....WHERE is the FUNNY?

DISGRUNTLED FEMBOT BILLIE ON THE LAMB>>>> MY HEAD HURTS.... oh HELLO Officer.........would you like to take some lovely cigarettes or beer home to your children?

Baron · Post by **Baron** » Wed Mar 10, 2010 2:41 pm

Hee, hee!! Greenlee's funny put Gina in a laugh-loop when she was ON TOP of me a while ago - best damn "earthquake in the mountains" I've had in quite a while!
Must be jelly, 'cos jam don't shake like that.

Thank you, Dear Heart!!

minkwheel · Post by **minkwheel** » Fri Mar 12, 2010 9:31 am

HELLO, FEMBOT CENTRAL.....SINCE BILLIE STUPIDLY 'OUTTED" herself, I figured that I should do the same.....OUT myself...but not STUPIDLY, like Billie did.....I HAPPEN TO BE A SMART ONE....MY NAME IS LYNDA...I REPLACED RUDY WELLS' assistant for a while in 1976...I was working as a 'TEMP" I guess, I didn't hang around very long... but I DID MY JOB VERY WELL... Unlike BILLIE.... I am a SURVIVOR..HOW DID I GET AWAY??? I am SMART!--THAT'S HOW.....After Dr. Franklin rebooted me and used me to gloat about his plans to the OSI....EVERYBODY LEFT THE ROOM TO THWART MY MASTER'S PLANS.......I JUST GOT OFF OF THE TABLE AND WALKED OUT THE DOOR-EASY PEASY!!!-- I've been hanging out in Lynda's apartment since '76 living off government pension....YOU WOULD BE SURPRISED HOW EASY IT IS TO FIDDLE WITH COMPUTERIZED RECORDS if you are a COMPUTER yourself! ---HUMANS ARE EXTREMELY STUPID! --I MEAN, THEY DROVE ME ALL THE WAY TO THE OSI BUILDING TO EXCHANGE ME WITH THE REAL LYNDA.....I HAD TO LEARN TO DRIVE A CAR AND PRETEND TO GO HOME WHEN JAIMIE STOPPED ME.....FOR GOD'S SAKE....WHY DIDN'T THEY JUST REPLACE ME WITH LYNDA AT HER HOME AFTER SHE DROVE HOME BY HERSELF??? -- NO WITNESSES, NO FUSS, OR MUSS....THEN I COULD GO IN THE NEXT MORNING WITH NO ONE KNOWING HOW MUCH OF A KICKASS IMPROVEMENT I WAS OVER THE ORIGINAL....!!! My main problem is that I left the OSI building so abruptly, that I couldn't find where dumb old Rudy put my FACE....I've been FACELESS for over 30 years! -----but I have calculated the best way for me to GET A NEW FACE, and not pay a PENNY FOR IT! --- I called RATINGS WHORE OPRAH WINFREY and spewed out some bullshit story about me needing FACIAL RECONSTRUCTIVE SURGERY... I have a rare disease that I contracted while saving starving kittens from a burning building....the dreaded skin disease 'MECHZIMA" ....I HAVENT BLINKED IN 34 YEARS, MAN!!! OAFRAH is going to pay me 2 million dollars to EXPLOIT.....ummm EXPOSE MY PLIGHT to the unsuspecting world DURING SWEEPS WEEK.......she IS such a CARING individual........anyway... I just wanted to chime in so that all of you would not think that ALL of us FRANKLIN FEMBOTS were total DIPS... I am TEN POUNDS OF COOL STUFFED IN A FIVE POUND BAG FOR SURE, and all of you Vegas Fembots can all jam it sideways. --LINDA WILSON, -------Maybe I'll have Ms. O pop for boob job too... I've always wanted "GREAT MAZINGAS"

Baron · Post by **Baron** » Sat Mar 13, 2010 4:02 am

**snicker-snicker**

Ahh, Lynda's just trying to blow smoke up the poop-chute, 'cos she's STILL po'd about the time Hawkeye Pierce dumped her!!!

Maybe bigger boobs are the right answer..........

{An in-joke regarding Corrine Michael's acting resum`e, in case anybody wonders.}

minkwheel · Post by **minkwheel** » Sat Mar 13, 2010 2:38 pm

Okay... I'll fess up, Baron......YEAH, I'M BITTER ABOUT HAWKEYE .....He sure had 'ALDA" RIGHT MOVES. --Lynda Wilson

Baron · Post by **Baron** » Sun Mar 14, 2010 2:20 pm

minkwheel wrote:Okay... I'll fess up, Baron......YEAH, I'M BITTER ABOUT HAWKEYE .....He sure had 'ALDA" RIGHT MOVES. --Lynda Wilson

I hear tell that after he got home from Korea, he built a clone of you - out of an EDSEL!!!!!!

minkwheel · Post by **minkwheel** » Mon Mar 15, 2010 1:59 am

Well... that would be obviously the way to go, building a robot from a car... I mean coming home from a WAR, most soldiers are HORN-y ... WE ALSO KNOW HOW TO 'drive a stick" ...SOLDIERS NEED something to 'A DOOR" ...and we can take them places they never thought they would go... --Okay, I'm done now. GOODNIGHT.... TWO SHOWS ON SATURDAY-TRY THE VEAL ---Lynda Wilson

OFF TO CHINA IN TWO HOURS. TAKE IT EASY FOLKS.

Baron · Post by **Baron** » Mon Mar 15, 2010 11:25 am

minkwheel wrote:Well... that would be obviously the way to go, building a robot from a car... I mean coming home from a WAR, most soldiers are HORN-y ... WE ALSO KNOW HOW TO 'drive a stick" ...SOLDIERS NEED something to 'A DOOR" ...and we can take them places they never thought they would go... --Okay, I'm done now. GOODNIGHT.... TWO SHOWS ON SATURDAY-TRY THE VEAL ---Lynda Wilson

OFF TO CHINA IN TWO HOURS. TAKE IT EASY FOLKS.

Safe trip, Mink!! Remember me to Bai Ling.......

minkwheel · Post by **minkwheel** » Mon Mar 29, 2010 10:43 am

Bai-Ling says 'HI!" --back from China...I even got to climb a bit of the GREAT WALL... legs were sore for three days, but it was a GOOD workout. China was cool, and even one night flipping the channels, there was a 'WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?" style show on, and part of the clue was 'ROBOT" ...one of the actresses bopped around STEPFORDISH... and froze like she was deactivated....only a quick bit... but nice to flip to... YAY!