Heh. Here is an unfinished story I started way back when I first read Fection's "Achilles Heels." His was way better, obviously - this is just an unfinished rip-off. You know: mass-malfunction, control computer, the works. I built-in a few other twists and wrote it from the perspective of a dissatisfied, curmudgeonly customer who arrives just in time for the fireworks (and kind of instigates them). It gets really sketchy at the end, but you can see where it was going. At any rate, I had forgotten about this work in progress and can't quite muster the energy to finish it. With any luck, though, it might stoke Fection's well-earned pride (and maybe nudge him slightly to add something new to his impressive repertoire...or even finish this, if he feels like it!). And without further ado:
Fake Hooties’: Where the Girls Are Wiry — Just Not the Way You Think!
“Hi! Welcome to Fake Hooties’!”
***
I sat down. Practically immediately, a girl showed up. The place was starting to fill up and I guess they were trying to get people in and out to make room for more customers. Brisk business at the Grand Opening of the local Fake Hooties’.
My waitress was a green-eyed blonde with the obligatory large tits and a very delicate face. She had a pen clipped to the lip of her bulging top, right between her breasts.
“Hi! Welcome to Fake Hooties’! My name is Jackie and I’ll be taking care of you tonight! Can I start you off with something to drink?”
“I guess I’ll just get a Shrub Lite.”
“Would you like — WARNING: LOW BATTERY — draught or bottle?”
“Uh, are you okay?”
“Would you like draft or bottle? Draft or bottle? Draft or bottle? Draft or bottle? Draft or bottle? Draught or —”
“Draught’ll be fine.”
“Okay! I’ll get right on it. Darling.”
***
After about five minutes, she came back holding the beer.
“Here yoooooouuuuuuuuu...”
She crapped out right then and there. Her head slumped forward, her shoulders became slack, and her hands dropped to her sides. Something electronic grew fainter and fainter inside her and beeped off.
And the draught beer she was about to serve me dropped onto the tabletop, shattering the mug and showering me with crappy beer and shards of glass. And all I wanted was some freaking wings and for the Broncos to win.
***
She just stood there like: er. I didn’t know what to do and decided to go look for a manager. Just as I started to get up and pick the broken glass out of my chest, the manager strode up to my table, flanked by two Hooties’ girls: a tall one with raven black hair, and a redhead. The former held a dustpan, a broom, and a towel. The redhead was wheeling a hand-truck in front of her.
The manager herself was an attractive woman wearing a Hooties’ polo and khaki shorts. She had great teeth and long, dark brown hair.
“Hi. I’m Jane Smith.” I stopped dabbing my shirt with my napkin and shook her hand. “I’m the manager. We apologize for the inconvenience.”
“Yeah, well. I’m going to complain anyway.”
“Your waitress, Jackie, needs a recharge. Hmm. This shouldn’t have happened.”
“No shit.” I tossed the soaked napkin onto the table.
“What I mean is, she should have reported for a recharge automatically instead of running down like this. For some reason, she didn’t follow the signal from the control computer.”
The two other girls worked to slide the hand truck under Jackie’s white sneakers. They paid me no attention, even though my crotch was soaked with Shrub Lite. I picked up the towel the black-haired one had set on the table.
“So, do I get a discount or anything?”
“I’m afraid none of our products or services are free. Again, we apologize for the inconvenience. Our company has been having problems with all of our Jackies. They’re actually going to be phased out. Again, we apologize for the inconvenience.”
I continued to try and dry my clothes. The redhead carted Jackie, inclined on the hand-truck, away. The other girl stayed at the table.
[OTHER CUSTOMERS WATCHING?]
“Natasha here is a real solid unit. Brand new. Just lubricated. Fully charged and ready to go. She’ll take care of you.”
The black-haired girl smartly turned to me. “My name is Natasha.” She even spoke with a light Russian accent. “I’ll be taking care of you tonight. Can I start you off with something to drink?”
Ignoring her, I pressed Jane. “Well, this being Hooties’ Grand Opening, isn’t it a little embarrassing? I might tell my friends not to come here if I have to put up with crap like this.”
Jane Smith stood, unmoving.
“But maybe you could give me a tour of the restaurant. You know. Behind the scenes. And throw in a shirt. And I’ll forget the whole thing.”
Smiling, Natasha repeated. “My name is Natasha and I’ll be taking care of you tonight. Can I start you off with something to drink?”
We both ignored her.
“You’re the manager. I know it would look pretty bad if word got out that your girls run out of batteries in the middle of a shift. This is a pretty new business and you don’t need shitty press.”
“Please wait,” Jane said vaguely.
Natasha jumped back in with: “My name is Natasha and I’ll be taking care of you tonight. Can I start you off with something to drink?”
Jane suddenly looked at me. “Yes, that would be fine. I can show you a couple of things — no trade secrets of course. And I can give you a t-shirt. However, you must sign a form legally binding you never to mention this incident to anyone.”
“Hi, my name is Natasha and I’ll be taking care of you tonight. Can I start you off with something to drink?”
Jane looked sharply over and the still-smiling Natasha as though she’d forgotten she was there or didn’t recognize her. Then something clicked in her head. “Natasha. Switch to status two.’
“Supervisor input acknowledged. Switching to status two.” Natasha turned around and walked in the direction the redhead had gone with the deactivated Jackie.
“What’s ‘status two’?” I asked. Actually, my pants weren’t too bad because I guess I got most of it pretty quick. I probably wouldn’t have felt comfortable driving home reeking of beer, but I thought I could get by.
“It’s basically a mode. If one of the girls is actively serving, that’s status one. If she’s standing by in a recharging booth, that’s status two. So Natasha is going to maintain her charge and wait until she’s needed to replace one of the other girls when one starts running low. That will probably be very soon. Also, if it gets much busier in here, we might have to activate all of our functional girls at once to keep pace with the demand, even though that is not standard procedure.”
“Any other statuses?”
“Just one. Status three. That’s if a girl is out of commission. Maintenance, repairs, check-ups, things like that. If a girl malfunctions, we’ll take her out of the rotation until we correct her. Jackie is status three. We currently have one other status three unit. We have a total of nineteen girls, seventeen of which are functional. Jackie’s repair should be an easy part-swap. I hope so, because we’ll need all the bodies we can get, it’s getting so busy in here. Oh. Are your pants all right? Are you cut?”
“No, it’s not that bad. I’ll be okay. So what about this tour?”
***
I followed Jane Smith through the same door the redhead, the Jackie, and Natasha passed through before us. Jane swiped an access card to open the heavy, steel door.
It opened into the kitchen. It was noisy inside as freaky-looking robot arms were assembling meals.
“Obviously, this is the kitchen. Completely automated; it’s a remarkable piece of machinery.”
“How’s it work?”
“When one of the girls takes an order, it is transmitted via our local WiFi to the central computer. The order is immediately processed by the central computer, which passes it to the kitchen computer. Once an order is placed, the kitchen immediately begins to prepare it. Over at that counter, the girls pick up the completed orders. Unsurpassed speed, quality control, and product uniformity. Completely automated; it’s a remarkable piece of machinery.”
Past the busy arms, I saw one of the Hooties’ waitresses loading up a tray with a number of drinks and plates of food. Mmm. Wings. Her movements were methodical, but very fast and efficient.
I started to move for a better look, but Jane grabbed my arm.
“Stop. It’s a liability thing. This is a machine zone.”
Just then, a heavier arm swung down from the ceiling and, with a THUNK, picked up a box of supplies two feet in front of my face, exactly where I had been about to step. It swiftly took the pallet of supplies across the room where its contents were separated out by smaller arms.
“Ingredients?”
“Yes. Look at the floor. That red line designates the machine zone. Very dangerous. It can only be entered by maintenance personnel after shutting down the system.”
“Fascinating. Smells good in here!”
“We’ve never had any accidents. It’s a superb system. Completely automated; it’s a remarkable piece of machinery.”
***
I followed Jane along a route past the kitchen designated with blue lines painted on the floor. This gave me a good chance to check out her ass without having to worry about getting crushed by a giant robot arm.
With another swipe of her access card, another heavy steel door opened.
“Is this another machine zone? You go first.”
“This is the diagnostics and repair shop. It’s quite safe.” With our entrance, fluorescent lights blinked on, revealing a good-sized room filled with steel cabinets, banks of computers, and half a dozen shallow depressions in the floor, each about three foot square and surrounded by red lines. There were also two stainless steel operating tables.
“A robot hospital.”
“That’s a crude way of putting it, but yes.”
“Radio Shack ER.”
“If you like. As you can see, we run a very tight ship here. Only stations five and six are occupied; there are currently only two status three units.”
Oh yeah. There were also two naked women standing in the room.
After checking the floor for any red lines I might have missed, I approached one of the girls. She stood in one of the small depressions. Suspended above her was a complicated-looking clump of coils, arms, scanners, rods, probes, and assorted scary-looking sci-fi shit.
“That’s an auto-doc. D&R has it’s own computer just like the kitchen. Its data banks contain the specs for every type of unit we have operating here.”
“This is Jackie.” I was blushing but Jane seemed totally unfazed by the two nude figures.
“Yes. April brought her here after the earlier incident. The auto-doc is currently loading the specs for the DroidCo Jackie Six prior to repair.”
I peered at Jackie. It was a little weird. I didn’t want to be too obvious about checking her out in front of Jane, but who was I kidding? It was totally obvious. I couldn’t resist waving my hand in front of her eyes for some rea—
CRAAAAAANKKKK!
I hurled myself backwards and got between the machine and Jane.
“That’s the auto-doc coming online. It will now repair the unit.”
Whirring and spinning mechanical apparatus moving with alarming speed.
“The auto-doc is removing Jackie’s battery and will replace it with a new one. She will then be able to immediately return to status one. This is important because the unexpected volume of customers is causing the current status one girls to sustain function at a higher-than-recommended level, resulting in rapid energy consumption and increased wear-and-tear.”
Since Jackie was facing me, I couldn’t actually see what the machine was doing to her back. I knew it had opened up part of her back, somehow. One arm suddenly retracted, holding some kind of smoldering cell.
“That doesn’t look good, Jane!”
No response.
“Jane?”
She had completely gone blank. Carefully, I walked around so I could see Jackie’s back. An eight-inch-square panel between where her should blades would have been had been removed. There was an empty space set in amongst little chips and boxes and wires that no doubt had held her battery. Under that space was a lot of melted metal that still smelled pretty sharp and was lightly smoking.
Suddenly, Jane appeared at my side. “The battery casing had ruptured. This Jackie cannot be repaired.”
“Damn, that sucks. If you want to get rid of her...”
“We are understaffed.”
“Yeah but you just said — anyway, what’s the matter with that other one over there?”
I pointed to the pale, slim figure with shoulder-length black hair.
“That is Darcy. Her series was manufactured with a defective component. She will remain deactivated until a replacement part arrives from the manufacturer to rectify this failing.”
“Be more specific?”
“The pump responsible for keeping her internal mechanisms lubricated has a faulty o-ring. If this o-ring gives out, her lubricant will seep from the pump onto her CPU, causing her to short circuit.”
“So she’s a time-bomb with tits.” Oops. Can’t believe I said that. Er, “Have you ever turned her on?”
“No.”
“Well, if it’s such an emergency that you’re understaffed and all, why don’t you just switch Darcy on? It’s what — ” I checked my Swatch. “Already after nine ‘o’ clock. What could go wrong inside of two hours?”
Jane just stared.
“Jane?” She was giving me the creeps.
“Please wait,” she said with a distant sort of voice.
Just then, the auto-doc suspended above Darcy sprang into motion.
“The auto-doc will activate Darcy. Darcy will switch to status one and assist the other girls,” Jane said.
A robot arm descended and hovered at the side of her head. A long, thin probe extended horizontally and went in through her ear. A long series of fast beeps like sounded a bit like an old, dial-up modem followed.
“The auto-doc is inputting Darcy’s activation code,” Jane explained.
Darcy’s body jerked slightly. This was accompanied by a low electronic hum and a few whines of various motors and pumps.
“Her motor control, power, and lubrication systems coming online,” Jane went on.
A moment later, the probe retracted and Darcy opened her eyes.
“DroidCo Darcy One startup sequence complete. Standing by for instructions.”
“Darcy. Get dressed.”
“Supervisor input acknowledged. Getting dressed.”
A small dais rose up from the floor in front of Darcy. On it were the signature white sneakers and socks; red ultra-short shorts; and a white spandex tank-top with the Fake Hooties’ logo on it. Darcy put on the clothing on with the same sort of deliberate but rapid movement that I saw in the girl in the kitchen.
“Standing by for instructions,” Darcy announced when she was finished.
“Darcy. Switch to status one.”
“Supervisor input acknowledged. Switching to status one.”
With that, Darcy marched out of the room. We followed a few moments behind. Darcy went out towards the kitchen, but Jane led me to a door just opposite the Diagnostics and Repair shop.
***
“This is the recharge room.”
“R&R, huh?”
“Only four booths are currently occupied.”
It sort of resembled a locker room, but with computers spaced along lockers that each looked like little glass cabinets. There were ten on each wall, facing each other.
“How many girls did you say you have here?”
“Nineteen.”
“No, shit, huh.”
I found Natasha. She was like Sleeping Beauty, except her apparently unseeing eyes were open.
Suddenly, the blinking red light above each occupied chamber switched to green. All four girls in total synch, stepped out of their chambers and marched out of the room in single file, led by Natasha.
“What’s going on?”
“We need all hands on deck. A large birthday party group has arrived unexpectedly.”
“How do you...?’ It was really creeping me out.
***
“Here is the central computer. It controls the entire restaurant. The kitchen, the diagnostic and repair center, the girls.” It looked like a mini CRAY. A big box with flashing lights. There was also a monitor and a keyboard attached to it, as well as some USB ports or something. “That’s the interface for the manager. The central computer runs the restaurant, and I send the profits back to the company. Sometimes it can be necessary for me to intervene in situations with which the computer is not familiar, or in case of an emergency.”
“What kind of ‘emergencies’ we talking about?”
“The company must profit. Sometimes standard protocols conflict with the ability to make profit. Under such circumstances, I am empowered to intervene to correct the computer and override standard procedure.”
“That doesn’t sound smart. Hey, what’s this say?”
I looked at the computer screen. It said: “WARNING. SERVICE UNITS OPERATING AT 115% RECOMMENDED LEVEL OF OPERATION.”
“How long have you been doing this for?”
“Today is the first day of this restaurant’s operation. Today is the first day of my operation.”
“That concludes your tour. Now, if you would please wait here for a moment, I will prepare the legal document you agreed to sign.”
“Actually, look. I’m really hungry. Could you just bring it to my table?’
“Please wait.”
“Do you have any specials today?”
I looked at the screen.
The girls were walking between tables much faster than they had been earlier.
Just as April approached the swing door of the kitchen, another girl rushed out. The flung-open door swung straight for April, who made no move to get out of the way,
“Can you get me a manager? There’s a problem with my bill.”
I suddenly smelled the sharp odor of burnt electronics. Behind me, three or four tables away, one of the girls was standing to take orders.
Most people booked for the door. A number of them jumped under their tables. A couple even pulled out umbrellas.
Absurdly, the girls didn’t seem to notice the sprinklers going off. They carried on without reacting. They were bringing trays of food to tables, refilling glasses of water, marching swiftly to and fro.
One dazed-looking brunette was repeating herself over and over. “How did you enjoy our service today?” she asked the cash register she was standing at.
Beads of water glistened one the
“You must sign this legal document stating that you will not disclose
“Er, don’t you have bigger things to worry about?”
“You must — you must — you must — must — must — must - must
“Yeah? Well, where’s my t-shirt!?”
Bzzt!
“Thank you for coming to Hooties’! Come back again real soon!”
I didn’t even get a lousy t-shirt.
"Fake Hooties" - unfinished story for all takers
-
wjbaines
- Posts: 368
- Joined: Sat Oct 15, 2005 10:54 am
- Technosexuality: Built
- Identification: Human
- Gender: Male
- x 1
- Contact:
-
tectile
- Posts: 1164
- Joined: Mon Jun 03, 2002 5:38 am
- Location: Midwest USA
- x 3
- x 8
- Contact:
-
DJDojo
- Posts: 96
- Joined: Mon Nov 05, 2007 6:43 pm
- Location: My warm den...
- Contact:
-
valtech1218
- Posts: 60
- Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2006 5:33 pm
- x 12
- Contact:
-
tectile
- Posts: 1164
- Joined: Mon Jun 03, 2002 5:38 am
- Location: Midwest USA
- x 3
- x 8
- Contact:
-
minkwheel
- Posts: 876
- Joined: Wed Jun 19, 2002 5:40 pm
- x 1
- Contact:
Users browsing this forum: NatalieBayer and 9 guests