BIONIC WOMAN: Interviewer Discresion Advised

minkwheel · Post by **minkwheel** » Fri Sep 14, 2007 12:06 pm

Hello, I'm Lindsay Wagner... TV's FIRST BIONIC WOMAN... accepting a paycheck to interview the NEW BIONIC WOMAN, MICHELLE RYAN before the debut of the new series in a few days.... I guess you might say that I'm 'PASSING THE TORCH to you, Michelle.

MICHELLE RYAN: --In my country, that would mean that you are handing me a FLASHLIGHT, you old fossil, you... I'm from ENGLAND.

LINDSAY WAGNER: Yes... I know... Potato Chips are called CRISPS, and cigarettes are "A PACK OF FAGS"

MICHELLE RYAN: Actually, I think that remotely discribes FANS OF YOUR OLD SHOW, DOESN'T IT?

LINDSAY: Aren't YOU being a little BIONIC BITCH today? --fans of MY show are the greatest!

MICHELLE RYAN: I have to admit that I never watched your show... what WE are doing is FRESH and NEW.... in this series, I have a LOT of PROBLEMS....

LINDSAY WAGNER: --------------Nah... too EASY to come back on THAT one..... I have TOO MUCH CLASS for that.

MICHELLE RYAN: On OUR BIONIC WOMAN series.... I have to pay off the government for the money they spent on my bionics... I have to cope with THAT!

LINDSAY: MY BIONICS cost $7 million...I played tennis, and paid the government off by teaching army brats and taking on OSI assignments ...I fought FEMBOTS that were 400 pounds for Chrissakes!

MICHELLE RYAN: FEMBOTS that were only 400 POUNDS? -- that's like only 800 bucks in British money..... CHUMP CHANGE! -- MY BIONICS COST $50 MILLION US DOLLARS, beat THAT, you relic!

LINDSAY: I DON'T HAVE TO BEAT THAT! -- i'm paid off FREE AND CLEAR ... and I now make MONEY ON MY BACK......I mean.... MY SLEEP NUMBER IS 35!!!

MICHELLE RYAN: --You're an ANTIQUE, Jaimie! --I've got two bodacious bionic legs, an arm, an eye, and an EAR... STATE OF THE ART TECH, sister! -- and I have LUCATIVE CONTRACTS to help pay off my upgrades.
---- GIVING AN EXAMPLE.... When AUNT FLO comes for her monthly visit ...my state of the art tech dispenses it out in the form of a lovely can of RED BULL for the screen to see..... PRODUCT PLACEMENT IS THE WAVE OF THE FUTURE, BEEOTCH.

LINDSAY: Maybe SO, but in my eyes, it makes you a SELLOUT... Even though bionics make us ADVANCED Superheroes.... there ARE some drawbacks to having bionics.... Even with my sleepnumber mattress. I can't sleep some nights....

MICHELLE RYAN: Why? --is your body rejecting your antique parts?

LINDSAY: No... I have to listen to Steve's awful SNORING magnified 100 times every night..... Sucks Bigtime

MICHELLE RYAN: ....and from what I HEAR.... so did your SHOW back then....

LINDSAY: ....THAT'S IT! --I'M TIRED OF THE INSULTS! --I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR EASTEND RIGHT NOW!

MICHELLE RYAN: Bring it ON.... FIRST, I'LL BASH YOU OVER THE HEAD with this framed picture of yourself....

LINDSAY: --THAT'S MY DOG "MAX!" ... YOU'RE ASKING FOR IT!
(lunges forward, and throws a punch....SFX NNNNaNANANANANANA!

MICHELLE: DAMN! DID THAT NOISE COME OUT OF YOU?!? --I CAN HEAR YOU ATTACKING FROM A MILE AWAY! --MY BIONICS DON'T MAKE ANY NOISES LIKE THAT! --I'M GOING TO PUT A DENT IN YOUR FLAT, RUSTY ASS!!!
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-------------Ladies and Gentlemen.... I am Hugh Jiratings, President of NBC ENTERTAINMENT.... Please watch the new BIONIC WOMAN series, I beg you.... Sure, No FEMBOTS, and we kicked the fanbase in their collective asses....but WE NEED A HIT. WE STILL OWE JENNIFER ANISTON 100 MILLION DOLLARS, and I'm still swimming in all of that JOEY merchandise that I invested in............ Help a brother OUT.

Stephaniebot · Post by **Stephaniebot** » Fri Sep 14, 2007 4:58 pm

Neither can I!

petey · Post by **petey** » Sat Sep 15, 2007 11:40 pm

I may never drink red bull again...

minkwheel · Post by **minkwheel** » Sun Sep 16, 2007 12:55 am

Oh COME ON NOW! ---RED BULL GIVES YOU 'WINGS" ...and don't those little PADS that women use have "wings" also? --hence the connection. THANK YOU for the comments everyone! ----I just wanted to write something on behalf of the fact that I think that RED BULL has the distinctive TASTE of a wonderous combination of RASPBERRIES and TIN FOIL. ---minkwheel

---opens up a can of RED BULL... slorks it down....... Mmmmmmm.... needs MORE TIN FOIL.....

Brytestar · Post by **Brytestar** » Mon Sep 17, 2007 3:33 pm

OOC: Hey minkwheel, I wanted to add something to the very end of the RP...

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Trumpmister (The Minkwheel version) walks in after Hugh Jiratings does his WIMPY excuse for an ending monologue...

T: What no FEMBOTS you have shamed Bionic Woman's fans everywhere!

HJ: Huh? Hey whaaaaa...

(T pulls out his battery in the back of HJ's neck)

T: YOU'RE FIRED!

(T then walks to the now trashed room in which MICHELLE AND LINDSAY are STILL fighting it out. Pulls out a remote presses a button and both of them stand down.)

T: Both of you are decommisioned and will be replaced by Britney Spears. Oh as for the two of you...YOU'RE FIRED.

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OOC: I was lol myself thanks for the comedy hey Minkwheel add the SNL mix into it as well since you had the NBC bit going.

minkwheel · Post by **minkwheel** » Tue Sep 18, 2007 4:19 am

Okay.... you ASKED for it...

CAMEOS COURTESY OF 'THE CAMEO CORPORATION"
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BRYTESTAR>>>> GOSH, MR. HUMP....How much do you want for that REMOTE?

DONALD HUMP>>>>KID... if you have to ASK.....YOU CAN'T AFFORD IT.

BRYTESTAR>>>>Damn! --I was hoping that it would work on TINA FEY.

Brytestar · Post by **Brytestar** » Tue Sep 18, 2007 5:32 pm

BRYTESTAR: Oh but I got deep pockets...

DON HUMP: Ha! You got play money!

BRYTESTAR: Blast at least my remote works on Britney!

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Good night everyone!

minkwheel · Post by **minkwheel** » Wed Sep 26, 2007 8:17 am

....FORTUNATELY.......or....UNFORTUNATELY...Hump's REMOTE kinda has a SHORT RANGE....and MICHELLE RYAN snaps out of SLEEP MODE as Hump and Brytestar walk out of the studio.......

MICHELLE RYAN: Oh Bugger! --HOW LONG HAVE I BEEN 'OUT?" ---This is infringing on my BUSINESS! --I HAVE TO PAY for these BIONICS before my show is cancelled............. GOT AN IDEA! -- I'M HIGH TECH and HI DEF! -- ANYONE OUT THERE WANT HIGH QUALITY BOOTYLEG MOVIES? ALL I HAVE TO DO IS GO INTO A THEATRE, SQUINT MY EYE, WATCH THE MOVIE... SAVE IT ON MY INTERNAL HARD DRIVE.......STICK A DISC UP MY ASS, AND BURN THOUSANDS OF FREE PRISTINE COPIES OF THE MOVIE TO SELL TO EAGER FANS! ---- A BOOTYLEG MOVIE! ---I AM a frikkin' GENIUS! Money's gonna ROLL IN! ---gotta get me to a MALL THEATRE....I'm OUTTA here!

LINDSAY IS STILL IN SLEEP MODE, and Michelle tips her over as she rushes to work on her BOOTYLEG movie career... Lindsay hits the floor and wakes up....

LINDSAY: OW! --- Friggin' A! --that HURTS!

----------YES Lindsay...we can say that about THIS INTERVIEW as well.

code_author · Post by **code_author** » Wed Sep 26, 2007 10:01 am

LINDSEY: Damn! --HOW LONG HAVE I BEEN 'OUT?" --- They didn't even give me a sleep comfort bed!?!?! I have to make some money, so I can buy new bionics and kick Michelle Ryans overclocked ass. Hey I GOT AN IDEA! -- I'M HIGH TECH! -- ANYONE OUT THERE WANT HIGH QUALITY BOOTYLEG MOVIES? ALL I HAVE TO DO IS GO INTO A THEATRE, SQUINT MY EYE, WATCH THE MOVIE... AND POP A BETAMAX OUT OF MY ASS... THEN SELL THE MOVIE TO THE PEOPLE WHO BOUGHT THE HIGHEST QUALITY ENTERTAINMENT FORMAT AVAILABLE ---- A BOOTYLEG MOVIE! ---I AM SO SMART! I've got to go one of those new Multiplex things... Watch out Michelle Ryan!!!