TODAY, February 2nd is actually one of the GOOFIEST of AMERICAN HOLIDAYS....or ..........UM..........LLLLLLLLLLLOCAL TRADITIONS........ that I've come across in a long time.... this is "GROUNDHOG DAY" ...and basically, it is a day where the whole country waits for a certain fat, dirty GROUNDHOG to come out of his hole and look for his shadow ....(NO, I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT MICHAEL MOORE) --- that would be an insult to groundhogs.......IF THE GROUNDHOG SEES HIS SHADOW THEN IT IS WRITTEN THAT THERE WILL BE SIX MORE WEEKS OF WINTER TO DEAL WITH .......Dumb thing is, that even IF the nearsighted groundhog DOESN'T see his shadow, there STILL ARE six weeks of winter to deal with..... BUY A CALENDAR, People..... Jeebus Chrysler!
--------------MY POINT about this pointless holiday is that the protest group PETA, the "PEOPLE FOR THE ETHNIC TREATMENT OF ANIMALS" are up in arms about how America treats the groundhog on the ONE DAY that he actually has a job to do..........here to explain their view is Canadian princess, Baywatch babe, and fellow fembot....PAMELA ANDERSON
CANADIAN PRINCESS, BAYWATCH BABE, and FELLOW FEMBOT PAMELA ANDERSON>>>>>> I'm not a robot.
BUFFYBOT>>>>You're SHITTIN' me.
PAMELA ANDROIDSON>>>>>I-IIIIIIIII--I-I SWEARrrrrrrr-r-rREALLY FOR REAL....I'm as real as my highly insured boobs.... p-p-pPPPPPPPETA has instructed me to inform America of our views and logical solution to the GROUNDHOG DAY problem.
BUFFYBOT>>>So....then, non robot PAM... WHAT IS YOUR PRIME DIRECTIVE then...?
NON ROBOT PAM...REALLY FOR SURE>>>>>> WE AT PpppPETA feel that it is CRUEL to subject a lowly groundhog to the spotlight of HOLLYWOOD AAAnnnnnnd-d-d we propose to REPLACE THE REAL tormented animal WITH A MUCH MORE DOCILE, AND COMPLIANT ROBOT Groundhog for the GROUNDHOG DAY CELEBRATION.... (this is actually for real folks, it's the reason that I am writing this stupid piece)
BUFFYBOT>>>>>>.....ONCE AGAIN.....I have to say ...YOU'RE SHITTIN' ME!
ROBOT PAM, ALTHOUGH SHE SAYS SHE ISN'T ONE>>>>>>> ON BEHALF OF PETA, I AM HERE TO SHOW YOUR AUDIENCE MY BEAVER!
ROBOTMAN, NOIDGUY, KISHIN, and several OTHERS on the boards>>>>
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!ROBOT PAM>>>>> Here HE IS! --The I-HOG 3000! ---CUTE LITTLE CHUBBY FURRY THING, ISN'T HE?
ROBOTMAN, NOIDGUY, KISHIN, and countless others who saw this joke coming a mile away>>>>>>>>>>
SHIT!BUFFYBOT>>>>> I-HOG 3000....!!!---ARE YOU FOR REAL?!!?
I-HOG 3000>>>> Meep!
PAM ANDROIDSON>>> NOssSSSSILLY! HE IS A ROBOT GROUNDHOG!!--HE is PETA's solution to the awful American treatment to the groundhog on this holiday. PROBLEM SOLVED BY FORWARD THINKING PETA!! YES!
I-HOG 3000>>>>>Meep!
BUFFYBOT>>>>>DON'T WORRY AUDIENCE... I'LL STOP THIS MADNESS IN A SECOND......There is ALL KINDS OF STUPID surrounding this holiday, and I've pretty much HAD it..............ummmmmmmm REALLY REAL PAM ....?
REALLY REAL PAM, NOT A ROBOT LIKE EVERYONE THINKS>>>> Yes?
BUFFYBOT>>>BESIDES RUINING STUPID HOLIDAYS, What does PETA HATE THE MOST?
PAM IN PAMBOT MODE>>>>PETA RULES-OF-ORDER---PETA-DOES-NOT -TOLERATE-ANYONE-WHO-DARES-TO-WEAR-ANIMAL-FUR------
BUFFYBOT>>>>>>>aaaaaaaaaand can you tell me just WHAT THAT ROBOT GROUNDHOG IS WEARING?
PAMBOT>>>>>>HE IS WEARrrrrrRING FURRRRR!!!--ACTIVIST PROGRAMMMmmmmmmmING ACTIVATED!!!---MUST DESTROY!!!MUST DESTROOOOYYYYYY!!!! MUST DESTROYYYYYYYY!!!
(at this moment.... Pam is MUST DESTROYING the robot groundhog for wearing fur.....since I can't show you pictures, I thought I might just clear that up..... ROBOTS SURE LOVE TO DESTROY THINGS... Oh, the HORROR!
MUST DESTROYED I-HOG GROUNDHOG >>>>Mooooop!
BUFFYBOT>>>>>....and to put the final NAIL in it.....PAM...... YOU NOW HAVE THE OIL OF A DEAD ROBOT GROUNDHOG ON YOUR HANDS.... What does your PETA have to say about the lives of animals?
PAMBOT>>>ANIMALS ARE PRECIOUS----I--MUST-BE DESTROYED! --MUST DESTROYYYYYYYY DESTROYYYYY!!!!( and SFX BWOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!) ---she got blowed up REAL GOOD to coin a Canadian catch phrase!
BUFFYBOT>>>WELL.... MY WORK IS DONE HERE.....There's exploded Princess Pam Anderson ALL OVER the place.........and look! ----There's a BEAVER!
HAPPY GROUNDHOG DAY EVERYONE! -- I'M NOT CLEANING THAT UP.
