A test story...

[Brytestar]

..I had this story idea based on an RP I ran with General while it was brief it did gave me some ideas loosely connected with his background setting which is seen in 'Modifying The Contract' here in the story section. By the way I was hoping that Dollspace was going to update the Story Archeive soon. Or if another mod would be needed. But back to the subject at hand my test story...

[gynoneko]

It would be nice to see some of these newer stories in the story archives, including my own.
I have a lot of plans for mine, but I really look forward to seeing what else everyone comes up with

[Brytestar]

What if I were to tell you that somewhere beyond the star that there were other earths? What if on one of these other earths that today's technology was a reflection of much stronger and much more advanced technology one to ten centuries before? Surprised? Skeptical? This tale will explore that possibility and perhap more. So let's focus on the world called Cybus...

On Cybus is the only one inhabited planet in a set of four that orbits there sun known as Cytron in which the system got its name. Now Cybus looks very much like or earth if not the inclusion of a couple extra continents (They are smaller in size although its surface area of Cybus itself is at least twice the size of earth to accomadate the continents in question.)

Cybus is further divided by continents. The Alphsus continent is the first mega continent roughly the size of Africa, Asia and Europe put together. The Betonus continent is likewise with all of the Americas, and the Carribean put together. Think of the Deltron Continent as Greenland being placed further south. The Sigmasis Continent would be Australia pushed to the equator and the twin mini continents of Zapple and Lapton from the South and North Poles respectively. There is another unexplained feature that this world has and that is the lack of frozen water. Temp ranges between 45F to 100F degrees. Scientists on Cybus are baffled at this strange event..

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Now my question to writers is do some of you start this big and throw the other pieces later?

[gynoneko]

Well, when I write, I like to jump right into the story, and start to reveal the past as I go, bit by bit. However, many stories do start with a overarching background and setting.

If you want to get people interested, you could either have the main voice (protagonist) telling us about his/her world.
Or you can start in a cosmic, 3rd party omnipresent voice that tells you everything you need to know.

Personally, I do find this interesting, but only as a concept. I think I'd be more likely to read it if the protagonist described their world, and maybe explain why they are describing it (do they know about earth? Are there other worlds?).

Still, I think it is an interesting start, I'd like to see what kind of world you are trying to build.

[Brytestar]

Hmm...ok. I do need to flesh this out some then simply pick out a place for my main character to start exploring. of course I am tempted to drew a map of the Cytron system as well as Cybus itself.

[Brytestar]

The Cytron system is about a trillion years old. Four planets orbiting one fixed star. But if I told you that that all four are the same distance away from the sun which is four times bigger than our own sun. Also the separate orbits of the planets in question is something that defies universal law. The planet in the bottommost orbit is Cytrin, The planet above it is Cynerva then Cyth is next in line and lastly on the topmost orbit is Cybus. Cybus itself has twin moons Athos (blue in color) and Aphdite (pink in color).

[Brytestar]

Secret of Desiree

Test Story continued....

Returning from a trip from Eastern Alphsus I felt disappointed. In the 10000 years of constant exploration I wanted to unearth a few more items. But NO everyone had to become a tech hunter due to promise of massive wealth. For those that failed there was the business of making money off of those who simply had no clue what they were doing it for. The aerotrans landed at the Betonus Capital of Betsor. My hovertran was in storage and I begin to make my way to the area. The system looked at my ID located within my chest. Then the light turned green and I made my way to my white hovertran. (Of course I did get a slight cold but its nothing that minor cure pill couldn't cover.) Of course I elected to go with green tea instead. I was lucky that I managed to get some back Altachi. Yes, I could've done it with e-purchase but I felt better using a CyCred Card that was imbeded in my ID.

As I plotted a course home with was nothing more than a 10 minute drive south of Betsor in Betron Township. I didn't want to contact Yuko yet until I was home. Of course I placed her offline and let Rainey, my home AI handle things. Of course I had to tell her that my tech exploration was a failure well let's just say I didn't return empty handed. "Welcome home Jim..." Rainey's voice was a little off today of course I had to chalk that up to a software error. "Good to be back Rainey-pie. Something wrong with your voicegen circuits?"

"Yes Jim, the last upgrade didn't sit well and for the last two hours I haven't been able to find a patch."

"Let's see I think they changed the server again..." Accessing the kitchen terminal my guess was correct and so I pointed Rainey to the correct IP. "Ok hun try this IP."

"Accessing.......patch found....Thanks Jim. How did your trip to East Alphsus..."

I didn't let her finish the question. "Not to good Rain....the site Doshun Corp pointed me to was picked over. Only got a few microchips out of the whole deal. I'll have to tell Yuko the bad news."

The unseen voice that was Rainey said nothing. Her systems were already downloading the patches. I decided to go to my bedroom and used the wardrobe changer. From my adventuring gear to a t-shirt and shorts. I decided to remain barefoot for now. I ordered Rainey at the next oppourtunty to transport my gear to the wash and dry area and give it the first priority. I looked to my left to see Yuko my deactivated droid still offline. Her raven hair was in a bob her deep brown eyes were closed. Her perfect slight tan body all 5' 9" of her felt warm to the touch. I decided to make her slightly muscular to give off a slightly more imposing vistage. Of course I didn't want to place my scruptous Yuko back online at least not right away. I needed a nap to clear my head. It's amazing what a nap can do for you. But after that I knew what I needed to do. The first thing I did was to reactivate Yuko. When her eyes received a spark of life again. It was at that time that I told her the bad news. That the entire venture was a complete bust and a shown her the microchips to prove it.

Yuko was dismayed however deep inside her circuitry it made sense to her. "What is our next move boss?" As she kissed me I began to formulate a real plan to deal with the situation. I had her suit up while she was doing that I made some calls. Doshun as I later found out used a diversionary tactic. It seemed that I was set up by some rogue elements within the company. That the real target was somewhere else. Whatever the reason was it had to be very big. I later found out that it took place on another continent. Sigmasis to be exact which was virtually unexplored perhaps. It was here that the ultimate find can be located. It was up to Yuko and I to find out what.

[gynoneko]

I like it so far, but you flow falters a bit.
You need to describe more about the nap (how tired he is, etc) and what Yuko looks like (wearing, position, facial features, etc), and also include more of the dialogue. If you describe more about the unfortunate event through the conversation with Yuko, it will reveal more about the characters, and establish more setting. Maybe describe the kiss more too, it can say a lot if it is a passionate kiss, or a little kiss on the cheek, or a kiss to brighten the mood. What does her suit look like? How long was the nap? Where is Yuko (room)?

Just some things to think about. I hope to see more soon

[Brytestar]

I used speech recognition software on it but I'm still working on it.