Dyson Family Values-Bonus material

[petey]

I told you I was self-indulgent enough to do this.

Stuff that didn’t make it

Jessica was going to show off an ability to mimic voices. Originally Julie Andrews’ singing. Wasn’t sure if I could or should use it later in the story for different purposes, and it didn’t fit anywhere

Originally, Zoe was going to talk to Neil about becoming an android, and he was going to flip out to the point that Zoe would go ahead with it to spite him. But the motivation for Neil flipping out at the mention of her becoming synthetic wasn’t there. Also, it would have screwed up the pacing. And getting them back together was dicey. Story-wise it makes Zoe’s choice more understandable and puts less of the blame on Elaine for what happens, but that wasn’t enough, so I went with what you see in the story.

There’s a ‘deleted scene’, something I strongly considered putting in, would fit in the narrative, but never actually put to paper. It involves Neil going to a bar to get drunk. He happens to run into Gretchen (I’m not happy with her use in the story, and feel she needed more to do). He picks up on her android nature, she tries to figure out how he knew. They wind up talking and Neil discusses when his sister was in high school, soon after becoming synthetic, she went on a two-week cruise with a man triple her age. When they got back, she talked about how much fun she had and the man gave the institute a large donation. Jessica was proud of herself and Elaine was proud of Jessica. Jessica also used that ‘significant other’ program on the trip that Zoe used with Neil. As badly as the Dyson Institute comes off in the story already, this was going too far. Although it makes Neil’s position more understandable, judging by the comments no one really questioned his position anyway. So that didn't even happen off-camera.

There was going to be a bit where Neil discusses his mother’s attempts to get him in an android body, first a female chassis then one modified to look male, but was still very effeminate. Doesn’t fit anywhere, is kinda weird, as far as I’m concerned it didn’t happen.

Neil was also going to be irate at the fact that his mother placed so many androids in and around Stanley enterprises for his benefit. He’d feel the need to quit that job and get a new one. Ultimately it was just a pimple on the story, branching out and immediately coming back, so I popped it in the writing process.

Originally, instead of slapping Zoe, Neil hits her hard enough to knock her to the ground. This was another one of those ‘too far’ instances, so I toned down the violence.

I don’t know if anyone was thinking this, but if Zoe had told Elaine ‘no’, Dr. Dyson wouldn’t have turned her into an android. If I was rewriting this story, I’d make this point much more clear. The problem is that I can’t say Dr. Dyson would never forcibly convert someone, only that she wouldn’t do it under these circumstances. Talking it over with Korby, she’d probably forcibly convert someone to save the institute.

Elaine was going to offer to give Neil the ability to restrict the personality and program changes Zoe could make to herself. But he would’ve refused anyway, I don’t think Dr. Dyson is that thick, and it didn’t fit in anywhere.

To be honest, I wasn’t sure how sympathetic a guy who didn’t want his wife to be a robot would be on this board. Turns out that I missed where the fulcrum was, so Neil looks much better than his mother does, rather than being somewhat balanced.

20/20 hindsight, I should have developed Zoe’s backstory and lack of family structure more. I suppose I was worried about length (says the guy being pilloried for making the end of his story too short).

If the Stanley girls seemed similar to the point of being Borg-like, it’s not intentional, I’m just not that good a writer. I should have included a token employee that refused to join in the coercion, but stopped short of outright blabbing.

After all the crap I got for making Dr. Dyson too dark as it is, did you really think I’d end it with everyone dead and/or estranged? I’d be hunted down :p

[petey]

And by popular demand, some of what happened between parts nine and ten.

Zoe got out of the Taxi and paid the fare with her mad money. She quickly walked into the institute and hurried down the lobby. It was about 11 o’clock, so most of the lights were off. But there was still a girl at the desk both to watch over things and to handle situations like these.
“Can I help you,” Carly checked to see if her face was in the Unit database, then which unit she was, “Zoe?”
“I need to see Dr. Dyson.” Zoe kept getting status messages, asking her if she wanted to decrease this response or that. But she had kept indicating ‘no’, and as a result, she looked as depressed and nervous as any android Carly had ever seen.
“Are you malfunctioning?” Carly figured this was the case and looked up the location of the nearest staffed and available maintenance bay.
Zoe shook her head, “No, I don’t think so. I mean, maybe, but I still need to see Dr. Dyson, I’m her daughter-in-law.” That wasn’t true yet, but was close enough.
Carly took a second look at Zoe’s file. Brand new, one sign of a possible malfunction. But sure enough, Neil’s name was there under ‘significant other’. That actually made her a little sad. “Oh, I see that now. She’s not here, she’s at her condo. Do you want directions?”
“No, I think I need to see her here.”
“So should I call her?”
“If you would, please.”
Carly was getting worried about Zoe’s emotional state. “Sure thing, do you know the way to Dr. Dyson’s office? Maybe you should wait there.”
Zoe nodded and Carly opened the door for her. Zoe started taking the long way around, retracing her initial steps toward becoming an android. It looked different now, and not just because of the dimmed lighting.
Carly picked up the phone and gave her boss a call, “Dr. Dyson? It’s Carly. Zoe Baker is here and she wants to talk with you... She says it’s not a malfunction... She doesn’t look right, she looks sad.”

Elaine pulled up to the institute about 20 minutes later. She left the car in the front drive and jogged into the lobby, Carly activated the door for her so she wouldn’t need to slow down. Dr. Dyson took the short route and opened her office door to find Zoe sitting on the couch staring into the middle distance.
“Zoe? What’s wrong?” Elaine took a seat near her future daughter-in-law.
Zoe looked up and Dr. Dyson’s eyes looked exactly like Neil’s when he was worried about her. Finally she was able to squeeze out a few tears. “Neil left. He found out I had become an android on his own and he got angry and he slapped me and he stormed out.” Zoe could have stopped herself from sharply intaking breath as she spoke and cried but didn’t. If there was a way to turn off the helpful little pop-ups, she wasn’t focused enough to find it.
Elaine went over and gave Zoe a hug. She was at a temporary loss for words. She didn’t think Neil would be that violent or that willing to walk out on someone just because they were synthetic. Angry? She could see that, but the rest...
“Don’t worry, honey everything is going to be alright.”
“No it’s not. Neil is gone and I don’t even feel that bad.” She was crying, but even that seemed facile to Zoe, in no small part because she was getting messages about the flow rate through her tear ducts. “Why don’t I feel worse? I should have been screaming at him to stay. I should have run out after him. I should have been too messed up to call a taxi. I should be in a little ball on the floor, and it just feels like I’m watching the end of Iron Giant.”
Elaine didn’t know how to respond, she had never gotten this complaint before. Androids were generally happy with their lives, but even when one of the units suffered a loss, they had never said it didn’t feel right.
She almost said that maybe Zoe didn’t love Neil as much as she thought she did. No, that was cruel. Maybe Zoe didn’t really know how she would react to Neil leaving, but that was condescending.
While Elaine was pondering, Zoe had stopped crying and stated plainly, “I wish I had never become a robot.”
That was the first time Elaine Dyson had heard that. At least, the first time she heard it and knew the person meant it. And all that doubt that had been in the back of her mind today coalesced into a tight ball of guilt in the pit of her stomach. Elaine endured it for a few seconds before tweaking one of her settings to ease the magnitude.
“I’m sorry Zoe. This is my fault. I should have known Neil would react poorly to seeing you as an android. I should have told him before doing your conversion. I should have brought the opportunity to both of you.”
Zoe felt another cry coming on, but suppressed it the old-fashioned way. “No, I got all swept up with things and didn’t give him a chance.”
“That was partly my fault, too.”
Zoe wiped her eyes, “I want to go back to my real body. Maybe if I do that, Neil will forgive me. He’ll believe it’s really me. Please?”
Elaine nodded, “absolutely, I’ll call the folks downstairs. They probably haven’t even put your organic body in a tank yet.” Elaine left Zoe to go to her desk. There was a pink jelly dildo in her chair, and Elaine had to laugh at the happy little sex toy sitting there in the midst of all the crying. She placed the call and quickly got the process of converting Zoe back started.
Elaine looked over at Zoe and had another idea, “You know what, I’m going to call Neil’s sister and we’re going to go over there with you.”

[inky 2]

I enjoyed thinking about alot of the stuff you left out .. i very much understand why you left them out it was to much to add to the story... I enjoyed the you not telling us ahead of time Dr. Dyson and Jessica wouldgo back to there original bodys for a few hours to show neil there sorry... i dissagree with elaine honorring Zoe's no to becoming an android....im not trying to say how you would have writen it .. im just saying they way you have presented her she would not take no for an answer ..

[Mare_Vir]

Whatever was or was not officially in the narrative, this is a terrific story. It is one of the best stories I've read posted on the internet by an amateur author.

Thanks, again and again, for all your efforts. I look forward to seeing anything else you put together.

[Adon]

This. Right here. The 'in-between' was what I needed, and you delivered with the same quality that the rest of the narrative has. It doesn't feel 'tacked-on'... just right.

The deleted scenes are interesting to look at, and for the most part I can agree with your reasoning for leaving them out.