BUILDING ILDA: A Christmas Story

[minkwheel]

minkwheel>>> Hi kids, remember that scientist guy FELIX STATIC that I pointed out to you all a little while ago? --the one who is building his own fembot from scratch? --well I SAW him yesterday at the RADIO CITY MUSIC HALL CHRISTMAS SPECTACULAR ....being from the Tri-State area, it is almost FORCED upon all of it's people to SEE the Radio City Christmas Show...OR ELSE... the show changes slightly every year so that it's patrons don't get bent over the $75 ticket price tag....I have always kinda thought that the Rockettes were ROBOTS anyway for the fact that they really work hard and do 7 shows a day with more on weekends... so let me show you what happened, because I CAN TURN BACK TIME... yes, I have that power... CHER is a client, she can vouch for me........anyway... here's what happened to Felix....

FELIX STATIC>>>well...WE'RE HERE IN THE RADIO CITY MUSIC HALL... JESUS, ILDA... JUST BECAUSE YOU HEAR "ORDER YOUR TICKETS NOW" on a TV COMMERCIAL... doesn't mean that you HAVE to BUY THEM ON THE INTERNET...I am out of a LOT of money! --NON REFUNDABLE TICKETS............so to make the best of it, I decided to take you along as a LEARNING ESSPERIENSE FOR YOU....

ILDA'S HEAD IN A BAG>>>>>>BoopBOOPBOOP!---MAL-FUNC-CHUN-- sorrysorry!!!---blink!

FELIX STATIC>>>at the very LEASE we are close to the front row... got you through the metal detectors by saying you were my handicapped girlfriend............. NEW JORKERS all have funny accents, Ilda...so to fit in you must adopt a city accent....repeat after me.... I'LL HAVE A REGULAH KAWfee...and a CRULLAH.....NAH...BETTAH YET....MAKE DAT A BEAH KLAAAWE!

ILDA'S HEAD IN A BAG>>>>BoopBoopBOOP...I'LL-HAV-----

SOME NAMELESS SHMOE>>>HEY BUDDY!--PIPE DOWN WILLYA?--SHOW'ZABOUT TA START.......

WELCOME FRIENDS TO THE RAAAAAADIO CITY CHRISTMAS SPECTACULAR!! --EVERY SCENE IN THIS YEAR'S SHOW IS SPONSORED BY SEVERAL DIFFERENT COMPANIES TO BRING YOU THE FINEST IN COMMERCIAL SPONSORED HOLIDAY REVELRY... SANTA SAYS...LET'S GET GOING...WE HAVE FIVE MORE SHOWS TO DO AFTER THIS ONE!!

(Here come the lovely ROCKETTES dressed as TOY SOLDIERS... SPONSORED BY THE US ARMY.......)

ILDA'S HEAD IN A BAG>>>BOOP!--blink blink--ROBOTS LIKE ME!!!-- THEY HAVE LEGS!--W-w-wWWWWWWwwwhy can not I havelllllllllllllllegs like them??

FELIX STATIC>>>OH...I KNEW this was going to be a bad idea.... YOU WOUDN'T WANT LEGS like theirs Ilda....lookit how slow they are moving ...so slow in fact that they are now to being collectively hit by a fake cannonball...they do this every year....jeez.

ILDA'S HEAD IN A BAG>>>>BoopBoopBoop---SHE'S NO FUN, SHE FELL RIGHT OVER.---dootdootFIRESIGN THEATRE REFERENCE 1972.

UNNAMED SHMOE AGAIN>>>LISTEN MISTAH.....CAN THE CHATTER OR I'LL BOP YOU ONE.

FELIX>>>>ILDA...please be quiet! The Public is not ready to see you yet.

announcer>>>THE TOY SOLDIER SEGMENT WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY TOY SAURUS THE WORLD'S BIGGEST TOY STORE...AND NOW.... THE BIRTH OF THE BABY KING BROUGHT TO YOU BY BURGER KING.... manger setting by MOTEL SIX.....WE'LL KEEP THE NORTHERN LIGHT ON FOR YOU!.............cue the three wise men riding a live CAMEL.............

Mr. WEISMAN>>>>WE HAVE COME FROM AFAR TO SEE THE BABY KING.
SECOND MR. WEISMAN>>>WE BRING GOLD, FRANKENSENSE, --
THIRD MR. WEISMNAN>>>...AND MUUR.

ILDA'S HEAD IN A BAG>>> ERROR!ERROR! ---BoopBoopBoop....babies need DIAPERS and MILK......ERROR!

several people in the audience utter SSHHHHHHHHHHH!!-- and the un named shmoe chimes in again....

BUDDY, I'M GONNA GIVE YOU A CHRISTMAS GIFT IN THE MOUTH IF YOU DON'T SHUT YOUR FRIGGIN' PIEHOLE!!! MY KID'S TRYING TO WATCH THIS THING!

ILDA'S HEAD IN A BAG>>>BOOP-OBSERVATION.......THE CAMEL IS LEAVING A GIFT FOR THE BABY KING ALSO........ORGANIC IN ORIGIN. BOOPboopBOOP!!

AHHH......live theatre!!

UNAMED SHMOE AGAIN>>>DAT'S IT, I'M GONNA SHAKE YER NECK!! -- un named shmoe seems to jump over the row of seats, and begins to throttle FELIX....and Felix drops Ilda's bag....POOR ILDA! -- her head rolls onto the floor....!!!

ILDA>>>>>>>BOOPS!!!--Mmmmmmmmmmmmuh!! a-aaaaaaa-a-a-aah-O-B-B-BSSSSSERVATION.....there are wads of gum and boogers under this seat... Oh my.....!

THAT UNNAMED SHMOE>>>>>>>>>AAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!-- HEAD IN A BAG!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!

Security guards TAZER the UNNAMED SHMOE FOR DISTURBANCE .....he's a quivering pile of MUUR right about now......

SHMOE'S LITTLE KID>>> DADDY? --IS THIS THING OVER YET? --I GOTTA GO PEE!

FELIX STATIC>>>>>>>>>UMMM.....I'd better get OUT of here......but the show's just about over.... they should be showing the true meaning of Christmas by now..........Oooooooooooooooooooo TWO HUNDRED ROCKETTES IN SANTA SUITS.................LEGS!!!!!!!!!SEXY LEGS!!! -- HIGH KICKING SEXXXXXXXXY LEEEEGGGGGGGGGGGSSSSS!!! Whoopee!!

..........ILDA'S CONCLUSION OF THE MEANING OF CHRISTMAS .....HEADACHES AND LEGS............Linus was WRONG, Charlie Brown.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!! --minkwheel