MAMA STATIC yells from upstairs>>>>>> FELIX....LAZY SON! --THERE ARE SOME RUGGED MEN FROM THE MILITARY HERE TO SEE YOU... MAYBE THEY'LL TAKE YOU AWAY SO YOU CAN DO SOME WORK FINALLY!! --THEY'RE COMING DOWNSTAIRS NOW.
ILDA'S HEAD ON A WORKBENCH>>>>>------Boop!...BOOPBOOP!---- Millie? --TERRY? ---who are these .....two WOMEN?--I DO NOT KNOW THEM.---boopboopboop!
PANICKED FELIX>>> Oh CRIPES!!!---I HAVE TO HIDE YOU MY ILDA! --QUICKLY!!!-- Felix grabs his Snoopy sheets, and throws some of his clothes on the remaining parts that were spread over his bed...
ILDA COVERED>>>> UFFF!!!
FELIX, STILL PANICKED>>> No...THE MILITARY are the GOOD GUYS/BAD GUYS depending on your point of view.....
ILDA COVERED STILL>>>---BoopBoopBoop-------point of VIEW....I- CAN-NOT -SEE-a THING!--BoopBoopBoop!
FELIX>>>>...and they MUSTN'T SEE YOU either, my ILDA... you are...
MILITARY BRASS AT THE DOOR>>>> FELIX STATIC I PRESUME? -- At EASE son... we're here on BUSINESS!!..... I AM MAJOR WOODY ...THIS IS MY ASSISTANT Sgt. Grant Munny....
GOVERNMENT GRANT MUNNY>>>> WE'VE SEEN YOUR VIDEOS ON THE YOUTUBES and we are very impressed with what you've done! we'd like to UTILIZE your work for our Private Program....
MAJOR WOODY>>>YES! --THE GOVERNMENT, AND I.......CARE ABOUT OUR PRIVATES VERY DEARLY... WE GIVE THEM DAILY WORKOUTS, stroke their egos and TEND TO THEIR NEEDS so that they can DROP THEIR LOAD that's on them.... it's a tough job, but someone's GOT to do it... sometimes TWICE DAILY....
GOVERNMENT GRANT>>>>YES... and with the IRAQI WAR CONTINUING ...the men are getting VERY LONELY.....I AM SADDENED TO SAY that my ORIGINAL PET PROJECT for the PRIVATES is not working out the way I planned.....
FELIX>>>>..........what was THAT?
GOVERNMENT GRANT>>>> I WAS ORDERED TO HELP OUR PRIVATES BY TEACHING OUR BOMB SNIFFING DOGS to BLOW the enlisted men.....
FELIX>>>>!!!!! ---UHH.....UMMMM...HOW??
GOVERNMENT GRANT>>>>>RATHER EASILY, ACTUALLY.... I JUST WRAPPED A PIECE OF BEGGIN' STRIPS AROUND MY SCHWEEN and LET THE DOGS GO AT IT....DOGS DON'T KNOW IT'S NOT BACON.....!!
FELIX STATIC>>>>I.....I'M SHOCKED!!!--that is so CRUEL!!
MAJOR WOODY>>>WE KNOW IT'S COOL....son...BUT IT JUST didn't get MY PRIVATES WORKED UP.........THIS IS WHERE YOU COME IN!
GOVERNMENT GRANT MUNNY>>>>WE WANT ILDA to be a big morale booster for our Privates.... ...UMMMSERVICING THE SERVICEMEN..... serving her COUNTRY as they service her CUN----
FELIX>>>I DON'T BELIEVE YOU PEOPLE!!
MAJOR WOODY>>>WOULD THIS HELP???--- he opens a case like they show on DEAL OR NO DEAL... IN IT... IS A MILLION DOLLARS...or so it LOOKED like a MILLION... i didn't have time to COUNT IT really....
FELIX>>>>>
OH MY........!!!MAJOR WOODY>>>YOU'D BE HELPING AMERICA SON! -- MASS PRODUCING ILDA FOR THE MILITARY, WE'LL BE SAVING JOBS AS WE UTILIZE THE G.M. AND CHRYSLER PLANTS THAT HAVE CLOSED.... BUILDING A NEW INDUSTRY FOR AMERICA!!! --WE JUST NEED YOU TO FINISH UP WITH HER SO WE CAN INSTALL SOME SPECIFICS....
ILDA UNDER THE SNOOPY SHEETS>>>>boopBOOPBOOP!!!--- I do--NOT-LIKE-THIS!-----boopBoopBOOP!!
GOVERNMENT GRANT MUNNY>>>>OOOOthat's HER! --LET ME UNCOVER LOVELY ILDA...parts of her body are under these clothes too...... .LOOK AT THOSE BEAUTIFUL NERF BALL BREASTASIS!!
UNCOVERED ILDA>>>boopBoopBoop!!----STOP TOUCHING MY BREASTS! --I --DO -NOT --LIKE IT!!--BOOPboopBOOP!!!
FELIX>>>ILDA... DEFENSE PROGRAM NOW!!
ILDA RAISES HER ARMS AND MAKES FISTS... ONE ARM IS ON THE BED NEXT TO GOVERNMENT GRANT, THE OTHER IS BY MAJOR WOODY ... isn't that CONVENIENT ??? ---why YES, IT IS!
ILDA READY FOR ACTION>>>>BOOP!! I WILL TAKE CARE OF YOUR PRIVATES NOW!!
GOVERNMENT GRANT AND MAJOR WOODY >>>GOOD GIRL!!!
You can pretty much guess that she's giving them both a healthy sock in the grenades right now.... so with that picture in your heads, I'll dispense some SOUND EFFECTS
oooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! OOOWWWWWW!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
YEAH... THEY'RE HUNCHED OVER....but they're leaving! --good riddance!
MAMA STATIC comes downstairs in time to see them hobble out.....
MAMA STATIC>>>>WOULD YOU HANDSOME MILITARY GENTLEMEN LIKE SOME COFF----------FEEEEELIX.....STUPID SON! -- YOU AREN'T EVEN GOOD ENOUGH FOR THE ARMY TO WANT YOU???---I DON'T BELIEVE IT HOW YOU CAN LET THEM GO!---STUPID SON!!
----------NOW, if I was a good writer, I would've ended the story with Felix saying that THEY were the stupid ones because they left the DEAL OR NO DEAL CASE WITH THE MILLION DOLLARS in it on the floor.... but nope... they took it with them, those BASTARDS.... ILDA IS SAFE FOR NOW....